In A Perfect World

Yesterday I had, probably the most ethereal dream I’ve experienced ever.

Dreams do not have a coherent beginning and ending, rather bits and pieces of ‘scenes’ where you bear witness to or are simply playing a role in them.

In my dream, I remember being surrounded by people I would assume to be good friends because I cannot seem to recall their faces at all. The single most important part of that dream that made everything so peaceful was this guy, someone I do not know in my walking life, but in my dream, it is as if I’ve known him for as long as I have lived. We were together, him behind me, holding me. He was wearing a black tee and jeans. I can’t really recall how he looked like, but from faint recollection, I think he was Chinese?

That doesn’t really matter. The weirdest thing was, the both of us were really connected. Everything felt so perfect, worry free. Nothing else mattered, nothing. Him nudging my neck with his nose made things seem more tranquil. And there we were, in front of a group of good friends just laughing and chatting over a fire.

It was as if I was looking at a very old photograph of my most cherished memory, colors slightly faded, but the warmth still shined through.

I woke up feeling extremely warm and fuzzy inside, astonished.

Farewell My Dear

To hubby dearest,

Thanks for the wonderful 6 months. Although it was short, we had the best of times … from the nights I used to sneak into your house to going out for supper and hunting for some of your favorite foods ( red bean buns, kam heong lala, sago gula melaka … etc ) to smuggling you over to my place for more cuddles and of course, not forgetting our honeymoon in Lang Tengah that I will always cherish as one of my fondest memories of us together.

Those were some of the most memorable moments I’ve spent with someone I can call a boyfriend. Of course I’ve picked up some habits and new culinary indulgences like dried mangoes, bread with chili shrimp paste, seaweed crisps and of course Ramli burgers. Gosh, everything seems to revolve around food!

It was all good and I would like to apologize if I did anything or said anything that hurt you in any way. Life will be different for me now, as I have no sweet smss to look forward to, no smss to wake up to or to read before I sleep at night. You were always in contact with me no matter where you are. I’m going to miss all the sweet names we call each other while we talk! I would also like to thank you for all the gifts you’ve gotten me especially the Private Structures, they rock my socks! Although we’ve not clubbed often together, I will always remember you as a good dancer, a natural on the dance floor I vouch.

I hope life in the UK will be one of the best times for you. Three years will come and go before we know it. Study hard, take care of yourself and always be yourself. In no time, you’ll find someone else to take care of your heart. As for me, life will resume as usual, but with a void that will take time to fill. Life will never be the same without you.

Thank you hubby dearest for all you’ve given me. There will always be a special place in my heart for you no matter what happens in the future.

Time

…. is something I wish I had more of, but the fact is, he is leaving in just a matter of weeks.

I do feel the shadow of goodbye creeping up to me, but right now I don’t know what to feel. I’m numb. Perhaps I’m still in denial, perhaps what I’m feeling is a result of wishful thinking that he will be staying.

Reality has not hit me ….. yet

The Empty Vessel

Isn’t it funny how you come across a well versed person in your life – eloquent, presentable, charming .. etc but has no moral values, purpose and direction in life whatsoever?

Sensual Saturday @ MP 20080712

I was horrified last night.

The queue into the club was disgusting. Apparently CJ’s joke of Crowd.Control.No.Ugly.People.Allowed wasn’t funny. The entire gay KL was there I swear. After waiting for 15 minutes to enter, a further 15 minutes was wasted just waiting to be addressed by the bartender. A decent bar upstairs but only 1 bartender manning it? An amateur too by the looks of it.

The night wasn’t as good as expected. It was the first time I have seen Marketplace that packed. Pushing and jostling the crowd just to get a spot was tough work, what worse was maintaining that spot you claim with all that hard work! Hubby followed for the first time. My anxiety of him being carded at the entrance was laid to rest. I made an interesting almost amusing discovery about him. He is a very good dancer, and natural dancing talent can only be claimed when one isn’t on alcohol!

Surprised I was.

And as with all tight spaces with limited ventilation, I was wet in no time (stop the dirty thoughts). Thank God for open spaces upstairs despite the crowd. Met a few friends and familiar faces as well as a few eye candies. I was weirdly satisfied when I saw my ex’s visage change from happy to see me to a glare when he saw me with hubby. Perhaps revenge still tastes sweet after all this time? But what childish games am I playing? He is nothing but fragmented memories of the past.

The problem with being a driver for the night is the need to stay sober. Which means limiting myself to a drink or two. I did feel annoyed that a friend who wasn’t drinking didn’t want to drive. I could at least have my fun unwinding. Nevertheless, I decided not to push him into taking the wheel because he wasn’t very keen on clubbing on the first place and it was a last minute decision of his to tag along.

After a long breath of fresh air, it was back down. I envied this particular guy or so called podium queen. From the looks of it, he’s quite the party animal. The way he moved was very captivating, not to mention that his body was reasonably built. Topless of course and yes, I did fantasize that one day, I hope to be the podium queen that he is.

Not before long, it was a crowd favourite playing, Britney’s – Gimme gimme moaarr! For some unknown reason, I had to turn my head towards the speakers and I made an amusing discovery. There at the edge of the stairs right next to the speakers was this dude dancing. With one hand holding the railing for support, the other hand was going past his face in an almost mime like action. Watching him dance and mime his way to Britney really made my night worthwhile.

Saying Goodbye . . .

is not an easy task. But everyone has to go through such moments in life.

Perhaps the duration of one year is the only thing that is comforting. Who knows what will happen then. The both of us would be graduates, working and doing our own thing. Doesn’t change the fact that we’re still best friends.

The biggest has yet to hit me …. thinking about it just makes me very sappy and depressed. I’m going to make the best of what we have while we still have time.

Sometimes I can’t help but to wonder why I go through so many goodbyes, so many heartaches.

Farewell Michelle. May you have a wonderful time in Australia (I know you will), be good and the most important – be yourself. See you when you get back

Spicy

I’m so in love with Cardamom @ Cardamon

It’s my new favourite spice!

*p/s : I decided to remove my entry on dreams and discontinue it for good. I felt that it if I had it up, I’d have to write almost everyday! Hard work I say

Change Your Lifestyle

or rather, Ubah Gaya Hidup Anda

Wise words from a friend

Perhaps it IS time to change. I finally felt the pinch of reality when I was at Shell filling up my usual amount of RM30 fuel. That amount used to be good enough for three quarters of my tank when the fuel price was 192 cents/liter. After the price hike with the fuel price amounting to 270 cents/liter, my fuel gauge merely passed the half a tank mark. Now that’s got to suck.

Can I adapt? Going out less often, eating out less often, saving money often? I’ve not been shopping in quite a while but I still find my savings dwindling away. In fact, when the fuel was raised to 192 cents/liter (in the past) I cut down on my clubbing excursions to only once a month! That was quite drastic but it came naturally once I was attached and I got older. However, there seems to be a vicious cycle to everything. When something ends, something new emerges. Of course, having a boyfriend is not cost free but we do share the same traits of being financially conscious and well, perhaps being stingy in a way, but not towards each other. The one thing I wish for our convenience was a good public transport system from his place to mine and vice versa. Traveling on the LDP twice a week may not seem like very often, but the effect is quite pronounced.

The problem with saving money does not only stem from the rising cost of living. Like a curse, I seem to be spending quite a large sum of my budget on unavoidable circumstances. When you think you’ve got everything under control, like driving a car smoothly on a traffic free road, something comes along and ruins your joy. Take for instance, last month my hiking shoes gave way after an arduous hike and if that doesn’t sound pitiful, my bicycle tyre exploded just last week while cycling. Both met their ends within such a short period of time and I have to get them replaced. Damn

Everything is going up except for our wages. Perhaps it is wise to start spending intelligently before inflation hits us to the core.

As a response to my friend who advocates a lifestyle change, I told him that we should all sit at home and eat only bread for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Surprisingly enough, that is what he’s been doing over the weekend ….. I kid you not

The Awakening

Of course I’m talking about the re-awakening of my blog after an extensive period of hibernation. Let’s see .. my last post was on pre-exam stress and the upcoming rave party in Port Dickson?

Ok. Despite feeling a little gloomy after my exams papers, things took a different turn after receiving my results. It wasn’t GLEAMING with A’s or stars or anything, but I believe I did reasonably well. Well enough to get me through the next semester despite a minor drop in my cGPA, but still in the second upper class nonetheless (Thank God). I was however, disappointed with 2 of my papers. I hoped pretty much to get at least an A- but to no avail, I had to concede with a B.

On another hand, I only have two words to describe the rave party : IT ROCKED!

I have to admit that a small part of me regrets for not going for the two full days but heck, Saturday night was more than enough for me. The array of light displays, fireworks, the crowd, glow in the dark party merchandise and of course alcohol, made it all worthwhile. Did I mention how talented and supreme Tiesto was that night? Honestly, if it wasn’t for him, the crowd wouldn’t have soared to such numbers and it’s hardly surprising to see an assortment of rave goers, from hardcore ravers to novices. Everyone knows Tiesto, well al least that ‘everyone’ covers people who listen to trance. I would know because I started off listening to Tiesto when first introduced to the rave scene.

Of course, my gratitude to Cosmic Gate as well for warming the crowd up at the beginning but I am rather partial to them that night only because I’ve not been updating myself with their new stuff. I felt lost listening to something alien.

Fuck the complaints about the party. People go there to have a good time. Good time at such parties involve alcohol and undoubtedly, illicit drugs. So what if people are prancing around topless and in their bikinis? It’s a beach party, no? I am not going to touch about the abuse of drugs because it is naturally associated with rave parties and it HAS been like that all the while. I am just sorry that the authorities had to witness it but hey, even if it’s not done at raves, there’s still clubs to snort, smoke or pop your shit, not to mention at home as well!

Ooh and guess who was there? The Chef in Black, Mister Emmanuel Stroobant and YES! we did take a group photo with him

The post-rave euphoria lasted for about a week, and that’s how good it was. Enough said

Wow Wow Wow

Finals are finally over …. I sigh of relief? Not

I didn’t think I did too well for a few papers, especially the last one. And yes, I’d like to blame it on the new lecturers. It’s their questions and believe me, they were tough! I hope they’re merciful though, chances are they’re not

Perhaps I’m just trying to be a perfectionist OR my papers really did suck. I don’t know. Heck, I didn’t even feel happy ever since we left the exam hall for our long deserved break.

Putting that aside, at least I have something to look forward to this weekend! Yes people, Tiesto’s coming to town for TWO FRICKIN DAYS! Too bad I’ll only be there for the second day but who the hell cares, the second day a.k.a the last day will ALWAYS be a blast. I’m hoping the weather will be fine and NO, I’m not going for tanning. I can’t imagine coming back with red sunburned skin :S I have to go look up for maps to Malacca. My sweet driver apparently doesn’t know the way, neither do I. I’m already starting to see how that would play out but not to worry! I’ll get the maps alright, I‘ll sniff the damn rave out if I have to even. It’s been so long since I really let my hair down and I so bloody deserve it.

Anyways, check out this new song from Kylie. It RAWKS!