I’ve not been able to sleep until only when the dark of night approaches 4am and this has been going on since the middle of last week!
After two failed attempts to ‘re-set’ my sleep-wake cycle, frustration is building up.
I need help, exams are starting next week and I can’t afford to lose sleep over it
Sigh
Isn’t it amusing what spammers can come up with? This is what I found in my gmail spambox today.
1. Hey darling (my name) don’t be miserable forever, enlarge your cock today!
2. Hello kitty baby (my name) realizing your dick is small is just the beginning …
3. Howdy partner (my name) never be caught with a little cock again! Take virility pills …
4. Hey lovely (my name) play time is over now, get serious and increase your dick …
5. Sup ya’ll (my name) forget trying to make your dick big, virility pills really do it!
6. Hey darling (my name) a small dick will never be your problem anymore!
7. Hey (my name) add 3 inches to your dick and she may struggle …
8. Hello Sir (my name) send the level of her orgasm off the charts with a big cock!
Ok, I’m kinda flattered with the last one where I was called ‘Sir’, but seriously, why does it always have to deal with cock?
I will try to put things into perspective and make it coherent as quite a lot happened last night. Where do I begin?
First of all. The trick of walking into Frangi like a frequent didn’t work to avoid cover charge. I still don’t get it since we are going to order once we’re in there. Nevermind. It was packed as hell. Word has it that they’re going to close for the next two weeks due to some renovation, so everyone was there to party for the last time while it’s still open. I also noted that the gay community might have blossomed as there was a lot of fresh new faces, not to mention women too. I’m serious.
The night was very colourful.
I knew earlier that the ex would be there. Not that it mattered to me. I’ve supposedly moved on. So there I was with CJ, without his friends (because his friends were all too tired to celebrate his birthday night with him) as well as some other buddies of mine, one of which I will talk about here. Let’s call him J. J was dragged out to Frangi because of his ex. They’re over each other, or rather J’s ex is over J. J assures me that he’s all done with residual feelings for his ex .. etc etc, but deep down you can quite tell that it isn’t the case. So the story here is, J is still fond of his ex.
So after a few drinks, I went to ease myself and upon coming out, my ex was there. I didn’t see him on the way out (and I didn’t do it on purpose) when he decided to rub my tummy as I walked out. I didn’t feel much at that moment when I knew it was him. We hugged and talked for a brief moment. God, it felt good. He’s doing good if you must know. After small chatter, I left for the dancefloor to look for CJ.
Depending on the DJ, Frangipani has always dished out very smooth house music that’s fabulous, so it was a good night. I bumped into J’s ex somehow. He had a huge grin/smile on his face and he was dancing with a friend though not very close or touchy with each other. His friend left after a few moments and somehow I was dancing with him, or rather, went to him to say “Hello”. Considering that the both of us had a wee bit too much to drink, he started coming on to me (yes, i’m innocent for the time being). I couldn’t exactly remember what he was saying, the only part I recall in that moment was his hands all over me – my waist, my butt, my stomach, my chest. It felt horribly wrong but euphoric simultaneously. I kept on telling him that J’s going to be mad, he won’t like it .. etc. He just gave me a cheeky grin and shrugged things off.
J wasn’t there witnessing this mind you, he was somewhere engaging in conversation …. I think.
I left for some chatter and before you know it, I was back the the dancefloor, not on purpose and J’s ex was still there. Things started to get a little more intimate this time. No kissing.
He grabbed my crotch and felt the glory of my family jewels. Every bit of it.
So what was my natural response? Reciprocate
I must be an idiot if I said I didn’t enjoy every bit of that moment – which came and went quite quickly. Oh wait, NO! we did it a couple of times and this time it was SO clear that he was coming onto me.
Ok, I can’t remember what happened next, but I wasn’t dancing with him anymore and he disappeared after a while. He went back home with J since he was J’s ride.
Me, CJ and L left quite soon after that, it was already past 3 am and the crowd has dissipated. Somehow, CJ and L teased because they saw me and J’s ex being indecent. So we joined J and his ex at a mamak for some drinks. After leaving the mamak (J’s ex still looked like he wanted to follow me), things started to get a little out of hand. I was still being teased and L decided to follow J’s car to J’s ex’s house in hopes that i’ll hit the jackpot with his ex. J already knew what was going on earlier and looked furious when we stopped the car next to his in front of the ex’s house. Thank goodness I wasn’t driving so the blame was on L for trying to push the limits. I guess J understood that though I’m pretty sure he smelled something fishy. We left in silence after seeing that look on J’s face.
I felt quite stupid after that considering the fact that nothing happened and the ex decided to hit on me first.
The next morning felt very surreal. First was with my ex. It felt as though nothing happened between the both of us, like long lost friends who hasn’t seen each other in aeons. I can’t explain my emotions right now about the whole situation but I do feel a tinge of depression. The hatched has certainly been buried but there’s still a lot of repressed feelings in me which shows that I’ve not completely moved on, I’m still hung up. Last night seemed to be a test.
The second is … well, J’s ex. Was I wrong in having a little fun with his ex? J tells me he’s totally over him, but as I said, there’s a hint that he’s still not quite ready to let go. I’ll be brutally honest here and say that I was hoping for a night with his ex. It has been a very long while since I’ve been this adventurous. Perhaps not sex, just some emotional & physical closure with someone new. I’m weird, go figure.
I checked upon J the morning after and says he’s not mad about what happened the night before but I knew how he really felt despite reading his words on the screen.
Last night was topsy turvey – my ex, J’s ex, emotional hang ups, potentially jealous friends, friends turning into enemies. You name it. I did however enjoy the night, inhibitions out the window.
I mean it.
Just the other day I was whining to Mom about how miserable my monthly allowance was compared to .. well, most friends. She didn’t say a word. Dad was there as well, we were having dinner.
The next day, Dad came and shoved RM100 into my hands and told me not to tell mom.
I loved every bit of that hedonistic moment 
The hatchet has been buried.
I guess it was time to break the silence between us and what better occasion to do it if not for Hari Raya. Life’s really too short to be hating people. Take that as a lesson.
He seemed to be a little chatty as well, not the ‘im scared’ one word kinda reply.
Hopefully things will take a turn for the better from now on, but will still be very cautious and not overly friendly this time …
It’s raining cats and dogs right now and the time is 5 minutes away from Hari Raya …
Quiet indeed … for now I guess
To all my Muslim readers and friends, have a Selamat Hari Raya and do as the title says
…. again!
Weak
Fatigue
Cold
Clammy
Anti-social too!
What’s happening? Hopefully it won’t progress into a full-blown fever though. There’s too much at stake this weekend, my head’s on the chopping block.
A probable hypothesis would be dehydration
” Oh Mr. Apothecary heal thyself ” as a friend once said …
If only it was as easy as the snap of a finger
*Update! (11/10/07)
I’m well again, whee! Thanks to loads of fluid .. so the hypothesis was right
Ingredients
1 cup Yoghurt
1/2 cup Chopped walnuts
1 cup Coarsely chopped prunes
1 sp Vanilla essence
1 tsp All spice powder
1 tsp Nutmeg powder
1 tsp Cinnamon powder
1 1/2 cup Sugar
1 cup Vegetable oil
1 tsp Salt
1 tsp Baking soda
2 cups Sifted cake flour
* Mix ingredients together and pour into a greased and floured loaf pan. Bake at 180 celcius for 30 to 35 minutes.
Note: It took me a little longer to bake this cake as opposed to the recipe. I’d say 45 to 50 minutes would do the trick.
… and no, the cake isn’t burnt mind you. It’s the prunes that have surfaced and the walnuts that I’ve sprinkled on top 
Yes, for the uptenth time! A tacit statement
Why? I felt like I’ve been with blogger for a very long time and I guess its time to part ways with it.
Blogger was then, WordPress is now
Not because of restrictions I must say, just the urge to explore vast choices. Why stick to rice when you can have pasta or even potatoes?
Contents will be the same nonetheless. Just a little more ‘journal’ style writing rather than adolescent rants I hope (that’s what I always say) … A potential food blog too! Considering my renewed interest in the culinary scene thanks to the abundance of cooking shows now on Astro.
Sit back, relax and stay tuned.
